Yum yum Octane
One and half years serving complete fucking assholes on a run down petrol station. I'm sick of it.
Allow me to rant once more.
(The following entry contains foul language, if you are easily offended or currently my employer please close the window now).
10 ways to become my best friend
1. Fuel Price
Please kindly refrain from complaining about the price of fuel to me. Not only do I not set the price but I really don’t give a flying fuck.
2. Cash Wash
Upon purchasing a token for the Car Wash I will ask you if you know how to operate it. Responses such as:
"Ah, I'm sure I'll figure out"
"They're all the same, I'll have no bother"
"I drive a digger, this will be easy"
are not acceptable. One minute you will be telling me how easy it's bound to be, next minute I'm stabbing your eyes out with a Forest Fresh car air-freshener. A 'Yes' or 'No' answer will suffice.
3. The Stare
When you pull into the forecourt I will see you on the CCTV camera or through the window, so please just wait patiently until I get down to you. Giving me the ‘The Stare’ from the car isn’t helpful. Your Stare doesn’t make me go any quicker, if anything I slow myself down in spite of it. Childish I know :p
4. 'Lil Helper
Having your child or younger sibling put the petrol into the car is not 'cute'. It's damn annoying as the little cunts go over the price and I end up paying the difference.
5. Richie Rich
When I go out to serve a car 99% of the time I am hoping that they are only after €10-€20 worth. So don't be surprised when you ask for €60-€70 that I am not looking back at you in awe of your richness. There is a petrol station to the left and right hand side of my one, if you are a high flyer who likes to fill the car to the throat then go to one of them.
6. Unwanted Guests
Every week you try and sell me a watch. I don't want one. Fuck off.
7. Small Talk
I like the weather as much as the next guy, but I don't want to discuss 20 or 30 times in that day. When it comes to small talk you guys are pretty weak in topic selection. Surely my monotonous replies are hints in themselves.
Customer: Bad day, ain't it?
Me: Yeah, it's cold alright.
Customer: Not a bad aul' day, now.
Me: Yeah, it's warm alright.
For furture reference here are some topics that I'd like to discuss:
1. Evolution of mankind
2. Theory of relativity
3. The web-like piece of flesh that separates each finger.
8. Parking
The forecourt is pretty damn huge, there is plenty of places to park your car that doesn’t obstruct the pumps. So if you see me running towards you brandishing a 2x4 like a madman then you better hope your insurance is up to date.
9. Manners
Pretty basic. A please and thank you is always nice. I say it so why don’t you?
10. Superman = not me
If I am already in the process of supplying petroleum gas to a vehicle then shouting and beeping your horn doesn't make the procedure any quicker. If you are in urgent need of fuel then get the fuck out and do it yourself you lazy bastard.
And to prove that it isn't impossible I have written a short walkthrough below.
---------------------
WALKTHROUGH
---------------------
First up, locate a free pump
Next thing to do is watch out for the Petrol Beast
Then, put pump into car and begin to fill
Then pray to a false god, if no false god is available, try make one like I did
When you reach your desired price, stop and return pump back to it's holder.
And there you have it, you have just filled your car. Medal is in the post.
:)
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Allow me to rant once more.
(The following entry contains foul language, if you are easily offended or currently my employer please close the window now).
10 ways to become my best friend
1. Fuel Price
Please kindly refrain from complaining about the price of fuel to me. Not only do I not set the price but I really don’t give a flying fuck.
2. Cash Wash
Upon purchasing a token for the Car Wash I will ask you if you know how to operate it. Responses such as:
"Ah, I'm sure I'll figure out"
"They're all the same, I'll have no bother"
"I drive a digger, this will be easy"
are not acceptable. One minute you will be telling me how easy it's bound to be, next minute I'm stabbing your eyes out with a Forest Fresh car air-freshener. A 'Yes' or 'No' answer will suffice.
3. The Stare
When you pull into the forecourt I will see you on the CCTV camera or through the window, so please just wait patiently until I get down to you. Giving me the ‘The Stare’ from the car isn’t helpful. Your Stare doesn’t make me go any quicker, if anything I slow myself down in spite of it. Childish I know :p
4. 'Lil Helper
Having your child or younger sibling put the petrol into the car is not 'cute'. It's damn annoying as the little cunts go over the price and I end up paying the difference.
5. Richie Rich
When I go out to serve a car 99% of the time I am hoping that they are only after €10-€20 worth. So don't be surprised when you ask for €60-€70 that I am not looking back at you in awe of your richness. There is a petrol station to the left and right hand side of my one, if you are a high flyer who likes to fill the car to the throat then go to one of them.
6. Unwanted Guests
Every week you try and sell me a watch. I don't want one. Fuck off.
7. Small Talk
I like the weather as much as the next guy, but I don't want to discuss 20 or 30 times in that day. When it comes to small talk you guys are pretty weak in topic selection. Surely my monotonous replies are hints in themselves.
Customer: Bad day, ain't it?
Me: Yeah, it's cold alright.
Customer: Not a bad aul' day, now.
Me: Yeah, it's warm alright.
For furture reference here are some topics that I'd like to discuss:
1. Evolution of mankind
2. Theory of relativity
3. The web-like piece of flesh that separates each finger.
8. Parking
The forecourt is pretty damn huge, there is plenty of places to park your car that doesn’t obstruct the pumps. So if you see me running towards you brandishing a 2x4 like a madman then you better hope your insurance is up to date.
9. Manners
Pretty basic. A please and thank you is always nice. I say it so why don’t you?
10. Superman = not me
If I am already in the process of supplying petroleum gas to a vehicle then shouting and beeping your horn doesn't make the procedure any quicker. If you are in urgent need of fuel then get the fuck out and do it yourself you lazy bastard.
And to prove that it isn't impossible I have written a short walkthrough below.
---------------------
WALKTHROUGH
---------------------
First up, locate a free pump
Next thing to do is watch out for the Petrol Beast
Then, put pump into car and begin to fill
Then pray to a false god, if no false god is available, try make one like I did
When you reach your desired price, stop and return pump back to it's holder.
And there you have it, you have just filled your car. Medal is in the post.
:)
Comments
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